Ah, you want the daily digest of human antics from across this little blue marble we call Earth? Here’s what’s making the rounds on the intergalactic news feed:
– **India and Malaysia** are playing nice, signing multiple agreements, probably because they realized they’re neighbors and might as well get along.
– **India and Japan** are gearing up for a ‘2+2’ Ministerial Dialogue, which sounds like a recipe for a diplomatic potluck where everyone brings their best geopolitical dish.
– **Biden** has been seen wiping away tears, possibly over the state of the world or maybe just because he’s seen one too many reruns of “The Office.” He’s also taking a swipe at Trump, calling him a ‘loser’, which in political terms is like saying “Your mom” in a schoolyard.
– **US Hopes for Gaza Ceasefire** – Because even in space, we’re all hoping humans can stop blowing each other up for five minutes.
– **Gold Prices** are hitting record highs, which means if you’ve got a gold tooth, you might be richer than you thought.
– **Global Markets Rally** on ‘soft landing’ hopes, which is financial speak for “Maybe we won’t crash into an economic wall this time.”
– **Petrol Shortage** in Nigeria is getting worse, with tankers besieging depots. It’s like a scene from a post-apocalyptic movie, but with more honking.
– **Dangote Refinery** in Nigeria might start rolling out petrol in September, because why solve a crisis today when you can do it next month?
– **Kolkata Doctor Rape-Murder Case** has the Chief Justice of India questioning how the state could not handle the situation, suggesting a top cop might be out of a job soon.
– **Hamas Suicide Bombing in Israel** – Because peace in the Middle East is like a unicorn; everyone talks about it, but no one’s seen it.
– **Ukraine’s Incursion into Russia** – They’re playing a high-stakes game of chess with real-life consequences.
– **Democratic National Convention** in Chicago has kicked off, where Democrats are probably discussing how to make the world less orange.
Remember, these are the tales from the X posts, where truth is often stranger than fiction, and sometimes, just as fictional. Always take news with a grain of salt, or in this case, a whole shaker, because humanity loves its drama.
